There was an interesting exchange on the Sapphire Blessings Forum recently that I thought had large implications for many people, so I am sharing it here.
I’ve been leaving my various dysfunctions from childhood abuse for about 3 years now, and the puzzle thing made something clear which had been puzzling me.
I got a part time job a year ago as a step toward rebuilding my life. It’s at the front desk of a big hospital, helping people solve their problems.
Small problems like when the cafeteria closes, medium ones like where the paramedics took someone’s spouse, and big ones like mobilizing and coordinating the right employees to locate a patient with dementia who wandered off two hours ago.
People question why on earth I took this job when I have a bunch of kids and lots of medical issues in our family. They think I should have a job that’s relaxing.
These comments always make me wonder the same thing. Why do I do this stressful job where people sob at my desk about a dead loved one, and other people yell at me because their belongings were taken while they were in surgery? But I call the right people who bring the missing items. I get a hotel room for the woman who’s too distraught to think clearly after her husband's stroke.
It’s so invigorating and I love it!
This is my puzzle, the thing that makes my heart soar because I’m helping people solve their problems.
I used to do that for unsolvable things as a codependent kid of abusive parents. I tried SO hard to cure bulimia and paranoia and depression when they didn’t want them cured. It was futile and soul crushing.
Now I can do it at the right time for people who aren’t abusive (or if they are, I buzz for security!). God is giving me such an outlet for what I tried in vain to do.
That is stunning perspective.
You are right.
The devil will carefully place us in our design, doing something we should not do, so that we cannot do it, in hopes that we curse our design.
I am so impressed with your ability to see that the problem was the playing field, not your design.
Kudos to you!
Copyright by Arthur Burk
I used to say "Our dysfunctions make us so good!" Of course that isn't true but I always felt I was able to succeed best when I had the opportunity to do something well and help someone. As I got spiritually and emotionally healthier I began to realize that it was the search for significance that drove me. After all I was managing to hold together a dysfunctional system of over 100 parts! Sometimes I would crash and burn but my pride told me I could do it if I tried harder. Now that I have found integration through God's healing I have learned that it is only in HIM that my life flows and true excellence is achieved because of His wisdom and strength and perfect timing! I have significance because He is my healer and He is completing the work He began in me! What a joy to partner with Him in EVERYTHING. How well things work together in timing, in organization of details and in outcomes when I first give Him the praise and then follow His directions and wait for His timing! How amazing the things He thinks I can do! Of course He created me so who would know me better! And now there is no being driven, Only being led!
Replied by : Arthur Burk
I love and am moved by the dignity and legitimacy that flows in your journey. Thank you for sharing. Awesome!
Wow! That is SO inspiring to me! I'm chasing after my birthright and it's helpful to see clues about where others have found theirs. Way to go! This stuff is challenging.
So beautiful, brings tears to my eyes.
Thank you so much for the insight! So I’m impressed with the thought to identify past playing fields, and reconcile my design (which is constant) with past and current playing fields (which are variable). Also, there is the realization that, as an adult, my participation in any playing field, from a Sonship rather than a Slavery paradigm, is VOLUNTARY. I’m realizing this will entail some self-forgiveness... identifying with the child who couldn’t change things, and even acknowledging the unintentional pride behind the lie.
I’m just now pondering the whole pride- (I can make them change!) and-shame (I can’t / couldn’t) dynamic. It keeps us chasing our tail! But the truth sets us free!
I’m now reminded of a story that Dennis Wiedrick told... His dad was leaving for trip, and told him that he was the man of the house while his dad was away. He took it seriously — and as a five-year-old, experienced great frustration and defeat as he realized that he had no real authority over his mother and two older sisters.
He had been set up for failure! He had not yet “unpacked” (as Arthur says!) his design.
As adults, our participation is voluntary. So let’s not act out of compulsion to past idealizations. Let’s discern where we were lacking in Authority — and ended up with bruised confidence because we were following a tempting script.
This warms my heart and I’m encouraged to step out like she did. I am a Teacher RG of recent discovery and feel stuck and without purpose.
I LOVE that. What a wonderful framing of design. Sally was designed to receive a random volley of knotty problems, and lob them back as solutions. And she is energized by that!
When I was in graduate school, I had a job as a reference assistant at the reference desk in the main university library. This was before internet, so we were trained in all the various books, indexes, (microfilm!) etc. that were available.
And people, teachers, students, townspeople, would come up to the desk, and ask any random question, and our job was to guide them to the right source. Questions about gamma rays in a particular star in a particular galaxy. Legal implications for a certain civil case. How to find out what day a solar eclipse occurred on, ten years ago. Literary references. Media references from old articles. And we would take them to the right source to begin their research.
It was a lot of fun. But Sally's experience, with sobbing people and weighty life-choices, is something that I know my own design would not be able to withstand. I rejoice with you, Sally, at the way that God has designed you! And rejoice at this discovery that you are operating within the sweet spot of that design. A rare gift!
I’ve worked in a hospital ...you coordinate chaos and make it look effortless.
Would you pray for us who are still working out our puzzle and we call on our own security guard when we really need them?
Thanks for sharing your insight!
That was a very timely blog for me. Lately, I have seen the same tactic in my life and have moved from
cursing my design to giving thanks for the way I am. Now I practice listening for direction on what is mine to do.
A perspective that comes crosswise to the normal human perspective. Amazing! Love it and AMEN.
Hey "Sally", love this post as I too find it so invigorating when I can help people who want help to solve their problems. I know that futility of helping where people have wanted to be enabled through my help...dont play that game anymore cause they dont want help.
What has been incredible is how God would send people across my path who needed help. Went for a walk in my area and guys in a courier van were trying to find an address at the time I walk past them and I could help. At work this would happen too and I would be there at the time they needed help. Has happened with animals too. Sometimes I cant help but God allows the opportunity to try, even if it was something the enemy sent to break me down in the area of my design as I see it as a learning opportunity as often I will go and find out how to help next time. That's my King celebrating my design.
That is great Sally! Thank you for sharing and SLG for re-sharing. I love reading about the details of road people walked.
I can so relate to this on the current leg of my journey.
I've only caught a fleeting glimpse of my design, in what I'm doing. While I know where it is and how to get there, the path is shrouded in the dense fog of administration and co-dependency on others, to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's" which would set the clumsy journey back, if I didn't.
But the fleeting glimpse on a thimbleful of my design, in a single moment, on a single day, reflected the shining grace of God, and was more than powerful enough to propel me forward and continue feeling my way through the fog.