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A DIFFERENT KIND OF PREDATOR


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  • Re: A different kind of predator
    By : Mem On July 6th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    The description of Fred's situation is sadly very familiar to me. After planting and running a church with my then pastors as a young person the doctrine of "Honour your pastor" became stronger and stronger and was enforced more as time went on. This doctrine was always "backed by scripture" and therefore questioning it would be seen as rejecting scripture. In Africa the "honour of leadership" is also very strongly infused in the culture which makes it even harder and more confusing. Just like you illustrated, our church also had a very high turn over of leadership which bothered me. But I couldn't leave for a long time because the church was all I had I felt. I was however eventually rejected (thankfully) by the leadership and I left. A church that operates in this way is in fact a cult. It turns out that the enemy's favourite covert base of operation is the church. I just want to say thank you for addressing these issues and speaking the truth. It means so much.

  • A different kind of predator
    By : Melody george On April 20th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    "When you get rejected for speaking the truth graciously into a situation that is rife with denial and with irresponsibility, it is a major red flag. Leadership should be based on reality, not on denial and self-deception". This has been my painful experience. Although it continues to be painful and lonely at times, I am thankful for this confirmation and validation. Thank you so much for this insight.

  • Been there.
    By : Sandy On March 30th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    How innocence is devoured by the demands of woundedness.
    Christ came to show us that it is ok, to not be ok.
    Whatever we lack, He is the More Than Enough.

  • Note from the trenches.
    By : Sally On March 30th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Where I live, the description of the Fred-Pastor relationship is the normative model for church, friendship, marriage, business etc. I suspect it might be the land. And I’m pretty certain blaming it on the land is not going to change anything. Experience has taught me that finger pointing is not helpful either. Neither does asking “Why me, Lord?” (self-pity is not a fruit of the Spirit.) And excusing bad behaviour also doesn’t help. (There is a huge difference between forgiving and excusing!)
    So, I have decided ‘to resist this devil and it will flee from me’. Here are some practical tools from the trenches:
    1. Andrew Murray’s book “Humility”. ( it’s free on Kindle!)
    2. And Anne Hamilton’s “Dealing with the spirit of Ziz”.
    3. I appreciate the way Steven Pressfield writes on ‘hierarchy’ and ‘territory’ in his book “The War of Art”.
    4. The course “Pursuing Awe” on Sapphire Training.
    Let us stay junk free!

  • Wow! New twist!
    By : Anna On March 28th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    I recognized the situation you describe immediately. The thing is, you have such a gift for bringing clarity and a completely new Twist of understanding!
    Thank you for doing you!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ~Anna

  • A Different Kind Predator
    By : Loretta thompson On March 26th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    I appreciate the comments I have seen something like that with pastors and I thought something was wrong with me. You are blessing !

  • A Different Kind of Predator
    By : Richard Clarke On March 25th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    I was raised as an orthodox Roman Catholic and spent my freshman high school year in a preparatory school for the priesthood. The pastor's attitude sounds very familiar, except no one ever talked about hearing from God. That is the pope's role. Well, you put the issue into a very clear picture. Thank you!

  • A different kind of predator
    By : Becky Dymond On March 25th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Well done sharing the story... It communicated it so well... and your interpretation helped regular mortals realize it really isn’t always their issue, even when the wounded leader insists it is.

  • Wounded leaders
    By : Martha Underwood On March 25th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Amen to Jim Banks' comment! Healing was a long journey, but God is faithful, walking with me through the pain, confusion and strength to continue walking with Him.

  • Wounded Leaders
    By : Jim Banks On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    I am certain that Fred's eyes were opened by this exchange. I wish I had received such wise counsel when I was in my mid-30's. When you admit that you've been thrown out of a church it is hard to miss the curious looks you get in response from folks who haven't been to that rodeo yet. Thanks for your insight.

  • Thank you!
    By : Tabatha On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Thank you for putting words to this. I am not under this kind of leadership right now but have been. When we are trying to grow as children of The Most High, we have to finally choose between that kind of leadership and The Lord because so many times they tell us to disobey The Lord and submit to them. It usually can't be both ways because their agenda doesn't line up with His will. At least that has been my experience. And the attacks after leaving these congregations have been ridiculous, in one case, it seems to have divided most of my extended family on one side having a mother in that cult-like congregation and me leaving it. Father, please help us all heal from these things.

  • Wounded leaders
    By : Miriam Ellison On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Thankyou for putting into clear words that which I've observed (and been impacted by) over the years.
    Identity crisis? Big time

  • Ouch
    By : Nathan Noble On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Yep. That's pretty much true. I wince as I pause to consider the percentage of "strong" leaders that exhibit this behavior in some form or fashion. I had a mentor for 10+ years, a pastor, Rick, who was a Teacher I think. He modeled the opposite of this in so many ways. He allowed for a diversity of opinion among his leadership and people and was a safe place for people to learn and grow. What a gift he was to me during that season.

  • Thank you
    By : Terri Blanchett On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    This is very good advice. I have been in the ministry for 43 years and I have seen a lot of this and heard much teaching on this subject. I was under this type of leadership many years. I got a hold of John Maxwell teaching on leaderships 20 years ago and it changed everything for me. It gave me permission to grow and eventually leave the ministry I was under. Thank you for sharing this. Please write more on this subject. The body of Christ needs it.

  • From personal experience
    By : Robin Lawrimore Lewis On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    I walked through a 3 year period about 15 years ago of this same thing. At the time, my identity and legitimacy was not sound and I didn't know it. It made me vulnerable to finding this through a group that was led by a married couple who refused accountability and would not submit to authority. When it all came out in the wash, I had lost everything - home, relationships, finances - but the Lord brought me through to better understand Godly authority and the meaning of the Church. I have since found myself positioned in Him and it's safe, creative, and free. Great post!

  • Redefining Synchronization
    By : Cynthia Harris On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    Your footer - “Synchronization is not meant to be a sign of Loyalty.” Wow.
    Definitely the opposite of what was drilled into me growing up in the South. I remember my mother emphasizing over & over that Family Loyalty was the governing value above everything except God. And obviously God was all for Family Loyalty. Whatever that looked like, and however bad it got.
    This blog is a wonderful clarifier for all of us who have had Fred’s experience in different arenas. Thanks.

  • Wounds
    By : Jillian On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    So true. Unless wounds are healed they fester. This damages not only the wounded person but those in connection with them. It is devastating to be ignorant of one"s wounds. But it doesnt stop the damage.

  • It’s all grace
    By : Cynthia LaLonde On March 24th 2020
    Rating:
    5.0

    This article has been soothing balm to my soul.
    Thanking God for the circumstances and people He uses to draw me closer to Himself and show me His ways and His perfect love for me!
    Thank you Arthur for your passion for truth. May He continue to bless and use you even more in the years ahead for His glory!
    So grateful,
    Cynthia