“Marjorie” has traveled far in her journey of healing DID. Her Original Self is well developed and anchored a deep relationship with Jesus. She is adept in dealing with her parts, when they surface. But from time to time a part emerges with an unusual characteristic and I am asked to speak into the journey.
Today was one such day.
A part who said her name was Gina showed up unexpectedly recently. Unlike most who are carrying a lot of pain from trauma, Gina’s pain was that she wanted to worship Jesus but was not sure it was permissible.
Marjorie arranged for Original Self to broker a meeting between Jesus and Gina, at which time He predictably legitimized her desire to worship Him.
Gina discovered that she could sing and she enjoyed singing about Him. But there was a restlessness in her that she couldn’t put language to, so Marjorie pinged me and we talked.
I explained to Gina the standard three-step process: discovery, unpacking and combining.
Her first job was to sing in all sorts of contexts to find out what her design was. Does she sing differently at sunrise than sunset? What would it be like to sing at the river versus the mountain? What would emerge if she tried to craft and sing a warfare song against the enemy? Is she a healer? Could she go to some landscape that is battered and broken and sing healing into it? What about individual design? If she sat with some of the other parts that were still fairly unsure of themselves, would she have insight into their design? Could she sing revelation of their design to them? When they are in a cleansing process, could her singing over them expedite releasing the pain and defilement?
She balked a bit at focusing on things other than Jesus, but I presented the picture of a man who discovers a young lady, courts her, marries her and loves her deeply. When their child comes, he has no interest in the child. He loves his wife and tells her so in a thousand ways, but overtly disdains loving the extension of her essence.
She could see the absurdity of that and came to peace with the fact that seeing Jesus in His creation and celebrating it in song is a legitimate form of worship.
So that was step one. Experiment with every topic of song, in every context, bookmarking the ones that were clearly “hers.”
Second step is to circle back around and unpack each of those themes or contexts, bringing them to the highest level of excellence.
And the third was to explore different combinations. Suppose she discovers that she loves singing at sunrise, she is skilled at singing cleansing and she sings her best while standing waist deep in a flowing river.
It would be easy to combine those. There is a healing pool in the landscape of Marjorie’s inner world, where parts go to get release from pain. She could schedule a healing time for one of the parts at sunrise, and while they sit in the pool, she could stand in the river, at sunrise and sing healing over them.
She got it.
Lying ahead of her were many days of exploration and experimentation to discover her design, then more time to hone skills, and then the joy of testing endless combinations of her treasures.
Then I suggested that she consider asking Jesus to reveal different aspects of His nature to her, so she could see what kind of a song she could craft from each revelation.
What would it be like for her and Him to go to the Gates of Hell and to have Him pour out His fury over the fact that this even exists, much less all the evil that has emanated from there? What kind of song would emerge from Gina after having tasted the fury of the King of Life?
Part of the dynamic of Marjorie’s inner world is that time is cleaned up one year at a time. The landscape along the river is usually pretty ugly. They typically evacuate all the parts in a one year period, then ask Jesus to come and restore the ecosystem. He takes a few days, but when He is done, each year is a remarkable thing of beauty and complexity.
I proposed to her asking permission to go along and observe such a process, wondering what song would emerge from her after seeing the Creator restore some component of His creation that the enemy had savaged.
I pointed out that Jesus is a consummate horseman. What kind of worship song would emerge from her if she asked Him to come thundering into their camp on His white horse, with all of the immensity that a horse and rider can project!
She was quivering with excitement at the prospect of asking Jesus to reveal Himself to her in those ways.
Then I raised the bar one more time.
I suggested that the ultimate prize would be to ask the King what HE wanted to reveal to HER specifically, that others did not know about Him.
He would reveal those facets of Himself that He knew would land most exquisitely on her design. THAT would generate an epic worship song.
I left Gina bursting with excitement about what the future held for her.
But I know a little secret I did not tell her. While she is seeking to find and express beauty in sundry forms, she will become beauty.
And THAT will be the ultimate expression of worship of the King – when the light of His beauty, encapsulated in her, becomes evident.
I got chills with the blogpost and have tears in my eyes. I have no words.
Hallelujah Sooo profound and delicious. This spoke to my spirit in an enormous way! Confirms And excites me to my core being, Thank You!!!! I rejoice also with the comments and the revelation shared. A symbolic action I took this very hour will attest to understanding for someone. I had a very beloved shirt (worn for Years) in which I felt comfortable and dressy but could be casual also. Yesterday I noticed a large shredded tear on the top right shoulder from fabric worn thin. Contemplating repair I looked at it and knew that I knew that I knew it was time and a season to Not put a new patch on an old garment. I declared and decreed that the new wine being poured into me would be going into a fresh, new wine skin. With thanks, I tore the beloved old shirt till rendered useless, no turning back. Discovery, unpacking and learning to use the gifts inside of me for His Kingdom has been a sweet and troublesome journey for several years now. Blessings and prayers for you always.
I was just journaling/writing on this topic tonight - that as we discover more of who HE is, there is a greater beauty that we carry. At the end of the day, what we really have to offer others is who He is in us; who He is to us becomes who He is through us. Something in this is true beauty.
"What facets would He like you to recognize and celebrate?" "How would you find out what He wishes were seen?" Arthur, these 2 questions are going to have me searching for a bit. I so appreciate the depth that you encourage us to pursue.
I don’t have words to say how my spirit is leaping over this.
When I read of a possible scenario of Marjorie's Gina best worshipping at sunrise, skilled at singing cleansing and sings her best while standing waist deep in a flowing river, I laughed out loud at my mental image. We live in Juneau, Alaska so even in the summer, a river you could stand in waist deep, would be really cold. Then I read of her inner landscape and realized, of course, our God would make it possible for her to worship at her best, even when that was a unique package. Then when you ended with encouraging her to ask Jesus to reveal something unique about him that others didn't know and that he knew she could most appreciate because of her uniqueness, I was touched to tears because that is our King. He would delight in doing that for her. Repentant, changed direction, went from being amused to being overwhelmed by tenderness at the truth of God's love for each of us. The power of beauty.
I specifically loved the 3 step process: Discovery, unpacking and combining. It reminded me of a new skill that I've desired but never had the opportunity to practice until now: The art or skill of spinning yarn and finding God's beauty and love for me in the process. Drawing parallels in how Father wove me together in my mother's womb, but how He needed to select the type of fiber first: Cultured silk, wild silk, merino, flax (linen) or cashmere. Naturally colored or colored by His creativity in bright and bold colors or maybe soft pastel colors. By doing that, He thought about me and decided everything about me, even before creation. By how excited He was about the whole process, and how beautiful and surprising (to me) it is to take 2 singles and ply them together to make a gorgeous yarn. Such deep satisfaction! Thank you Arthur!
This is so splendid. I am weeping & weeping as I am reading it. I am so thrilled for Marjorie and for Gina, and so deeply moved by the description of this session, as you took her progressively deeper, one step at a time. "I left Gina bursting with excitement about what the future held for her." What must it be like to leave behind a whole trail of people like that as your legacy? But the real treasure lies in your last line. "And THAT will be the ultimate expression of worship of the King – when the light of His beauty, encapsulated in her, becomes evident." I want to write that out & re-read it repetitively, and pass it on to so many people. This whole post is Beauty.